I stared at my MacBook and watched the cursor blink on the empty page. Was it taunting me? I walked away, made a cup of coffee, sat back down and stared at the cursor again. This time counting the number of times it blinked. One…two…three…then the questions of doubt started rolling around in my head. Do I really want to share this much of my life? But this is what inspiring someone is all about right? Welp, here goes nothing.
I went back and forth with myself more times than I can count about sharing my transitional phase. I’m not sure if that’s what it’s called but that’s what I named it. You know the period where you’re totally uprooted from your norm, in limbo, feel lost, and don’t know what’s next to come? Welcome to my world. I was doing so well with creating content regularly and posting on the 'gram so much so that I was determined not to let anything allow me to lose focus. I even gave myself a pep talk: “Regardless of what happens Erika, fight through it and continue to be consistent.” Then it just stopped. It stopped because I felt like my world stopped. I felt stifled. I felt like I couldn’t continue because I wasn’t operating in a level of comfort.
So I know you’re asking yourself, why did it stop? What’s the big deal? A few months ago, I had to move out of my apartment. No more cloffice. No more shooting in my little corner studio that I created. No more waking up every morning doing the most and basking in the greatness of my own personal space. I’ve lived alone for the last 5 years and the last time I lived with a roommate or a significant other was in college. Welcome to being uncomfortable.
I felt like a failure. I wanted to hide. I did hide for a while. I felt like I let so many people down who were rooting for me. To be honest, I still feel this way from time to time. I think having my own space was sort of like my security blanket. I could shy away from the world and do my own thing and not worry about being exposed. The funny thing is, I wasn’t attached to the place itself. I was attached to being alone in my place of comfort. It was where I felt created the best content and I didn’t really have to leave my place of security to do so. I was honestly scared to do a lot of things outside of my beloved comfort zone and I realized that I was indeed hiding and limiting myself. But when you put yourself out there and you’re called to use your gift, there’s no hiding. I was working, but not on the level God called me to. There was more work to be done and He put me in an uncomfortable position to make sure I did it.
This transitional phase is teaching me a lot. I had to grasp the fact that change is okay and necessary to grow. I’m not only trusting the process, I’m embracing all that comes with it and living in the moment. That’s something that I constantly have to remind myself to do. I don’t like to ask for help but I’m learning that even though I’m self-sufficient, it’s ok to ask for it and let people actually help. A hand up is much different than a handout. We will always need genuine people in our corner to help us in our times of need because we can’t do it alone.
Through it all, I’ve remained positive. Daily prayer and devotion, saying positive affirmations, and reading self-help books. That’s what keeps me going. That’s what keeps me grounded. When I looked at the bigger picture, I realized I took a small "L". I haven’t lost my creativity. I haven’t lost my gift. I was just uprooted from my norm and had to make the best of the situation. I still have to produce creative content for my brand. I still have to work even if it’s not in my cloffice. It took me some time to share what I was going through but I also wanted to make sure it was as real as possible. I’m sharing this part of my journey because I want you to know everyone’s story is different. Being an entrepreneur looks different for a lot of people. Honestly, life in general looks different for a lot of us. You will hear a lot of people tell you what they think you should do. Not all advice is good advice especially if you question yourself after hearing it from a specific source. The only solid advice I can give is to trust God and trust yourself.
I want you to be able to relate to me while I’m going through and pulling as much positivity as I can from wherever I can to keep pushing through. You don’t have to look like what you’re going through but you definitely don’t have to paint a façade that it’s all rainbows and sunshine either. I’ve learned to adapt to where I am in life. I feel like people share the transitional or struggle moments once they’ve gotten over the hump. They don’t give details in the dark moments. They say life is great now but this is what it was. This is a valley moment for me. Somehow through it all I am still hopeful, still faith filled. I can only give credit to God and my support system for that.
Wherever you are right now…whatever you’re going through…adapt but allow yourself to be uncomfortable and learn what the experience is teaching you throughout the entire process. Do what needs to be done to elevate and embrace change. You’ll always find that there’s something much greater and more rewarding once you win the battle you’ve had to fight through. There's always light at the end of the tunnel.